Besides knowing that my parents were idiots at like the age of 4, I have always felt that I was never born at the right time. I guess it is a burden I will live with the rest of my life.
Sometimes I feel like being a young adult in the 60’s would have been just right. I am fascinated with the civil rights movement. I love everything 60’s (and really it is the best stuff), and I like the music too.
Then I think about the pioneer days… like around being born around the 1860’s. While I could have had a cool life going out west, I could also experience an industrial revolution. I feel like I would have fit in at that time too.
And there is more present day. In high school, I had older friends. They all graduated before me and by the time I hit my senior year, I really had no friends (or not too many close ones). I was in ROTC at the time and my peers were all jealous of my success and younger folk all admired me way tooo much. I was all alone.
It was the same way with college. Out of our huge gang, only 3 people were in the same graduating class with me and because I took a fifth year to get a double degree and a minor, all my friends had graduated long before I was out. I had some friends who were “younger” than me, but it was the same case with them. I was not really all that close to any of them and they looked at me in awe because I held some leadership positions in the residence hall associations.
At the museum I worked at, I went through the ranks quite quickly and was the youngest supervisor ever. So any folk who were my age or younger did not realize it and I was their boss. Hard to make friendships there. And everyone else at my level was way older of course.
And now current day. My really good friends are on average 7-10 years older than me. I have one friend who is 1 year older than me, but it is debatable whether he is really a friend. There is a friend who is one year younger than me, but he acts like he is 50 going on 70 half the time. No spark or spontaneity in him what so ever. Even some of my friends are quite older. Could be my parents or grandparents. I love them dearly, but they have had fun and excitement in their lives. They have been there and done that. I haven’t!
And now I am meeting some people who are younger than me. 20 to 25. Oh did I mention I am 29. A great age if you are in a committed relationship or just married, but not so good if you have only ever had a couple boyfriends in high school, one ex who was 30 years older than you (and you almost married the jerk), and a couple quick flings after that. But these people think I am waaaay old. I really have never had experience being the old one. I have a profession now. These folks are just getting out of college. I look well established.
And there is no way I could find a dude from this group. These guys are in no way wanting to settle down or think about me or anyone as someone they would stay the rest of their life with. So I am left in the position of any single folk my age or older have something terribly wrong with them or the young people are just looking for fuck buddies or a person to call “his girlfriend” but have no inclination of ever taking the next step.
If I had been born a little earlier, I could have been in the group of folk who are 7-10 years older than me. It would be perfect. I also think if I was born 5-10 years younger, it would be perfect too. Because I could be in the dating pool with those folks and I like some of them. But the age I am at leaves me stuck in the middle. And the fact is, my closest relationships will always be the folks older than me because I gravitate toward them more. So they will all die first, and in a decade or so I will start to be alone again.
And even with my older friends, I truly do not fit in. They have had experiences and such that I have not had. They are too quick to say, “oh you are just young and have lots of time.” They forget that most of them got married in their late 20’s, bought a house in their early 30’s, and then or at the same time had kids if that was their thing. I have had none of these experiences and probably never will. With just my income, I will be paying off my student loans till the cows come home and could never afford even a condo. During the summers, I can go days without having a meaningful conversation with anyone. and during the school year, only conversations with work folk. I never have anyone to vent my day to or cuddle at night with. And really… people my age just think I am weird.
So I continue to plug along and at least I can live vicariously through the people that I know. At least that is something.
Mel